Never
by starspangledpumpkin
Summary: In a world where soulmates are connected, Lily is about to discover that love is not something that can be assigned. I'm really firing at the hornets nest with this one but if I write it I get 10,000 points. Warnings inside.


**Challenges: **Long Haul; Gryffindor MC (x2); Slytherin MC; Ethnic & Present; Minerva's Migraine; Tissue Warning; Old Shoes; Interesting Times; Shipmas; Themes & Things A (Love); Themes & Things B (Betrayal); Feeling So Logical (Radical); Snipping Thread (Y)

**Ship: Lily Evans/James Potter**

**Prompt: Big List (Promise)**

**Team Name: Patronus Pair**

**Word Count: **3767

**Warnings**: Unhealthy relationships; heavy language; heavy themes; self harm; mild gore; if you're a Snily fan this story is not for you. If you are a Snape fan, this story is not for you. All complainers will be insta-blocked and I will break into your house and eat all your snacks.

~o0o~

Ever since Lily Evans met Severus Snape, she knew he was her soulmate. After all, any writing that he willingly applied to his skin appeared on hers as well—a phenomenon that had appeared two hundred years ago in all of society and had been accepted as a natural way of matchmaking. And she was fine with her match.

He had recognized her ability for magic and they spent their childhood days reading through his mother's textbooks and brewing potions in secret.

Lily liked their arrangement and she liked Severus. Most of the time. She didn't like how he scared her sister or spoke darkly of non-magical people, but she figured with enough love he would change his ways.

She was wrong.

When school began, they were placed in two separate Houses. Soulmates or no, students were sorted where they were meant to thrive. That's when the real trouble started.

It was subtle at first, with only mutterings, and then it grew to where Severus was spending most of his time with a group of pureblood ponces who called themselves "Death Eaters" and were some of the biggest bullies to Muggle-borns. To people like Lily.

She had tried to confront him about it, but he told her that she was different. That they didn't mean people like _her_.

Whatever that meant.

It grew to where Lily became sickened to see the little ink blots from Severus' scrawlings on her skin. Dreaded seeing him.

By sixth year, he had become crueler somehow. More possessive of her. She couldn't stand it. He didn't even like her talking to other boys even if they had their own soulmates, like Remus Lupin who had Sirius Black or Frank Longbottom who had Alice, her roommate.

"I don't like how you're acting, Sev," she snapped one day.

His dark eyes turned cold.

"You're supposed to be my soulmate," he snarled. "You belong to me."

Lily hated how he said that. She belonged to him? Like a bit of property? Was that true?

"Severus, I'm still my own person," she growled and turned away. "I have a say in our relationship."

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

"Don't you dare walk away from me!" he snapped. "Til the end of time, you will still be mine."

"Oi, why don't you back off?" said a new voice.

Lily looked to see James Potter approach. He was a bully and a brute for five years before undergoing a complete personality change. She didn't know what happened, but for the longest time she hated him. Or, she thought she did. She was shocked with herself to realize she was relieved at his presence.

"Stay out of this, Potter," Severus snarled.

"I might be wrong," James continued, "but I thought soulmates were supposed to care about one another. Not hurt each other."

He looked at the red mark on Lily's wrist and his hand twitched like he was itching to get his wand. But he didn't.

"Why don't you go bother your own soulmate?" said Severus. A cruel grin pulled at his lips. "Oh, that's right. You don't have one."

James flinched as if that simple jab hurt more than any hex, jinx, or insult Severus had thrown his way over the years.

It occurred to Lily that Severus was just as bad as the Marauders were except while those four troublemakers were changing for the better (mostly), her soulmate was turning for the worst.

"I'm going to my dorm," said Lily, too tired to get into a full-on argument.

"We're not done yet!" Severus called after her. "Lily, come back here!"

"I'M NOT A DOG!" she yelled and took off running.

That night, Lily woke up feeling a strange sensation on her arm. Throwing back her covers, she wrapped up in a blanket, grabbed her wand, and went down to the Common Room to see what was going on without disturbing her roommates.

She sat down in front of the fireplace and rolled up her sleeve. There, clearly marked on her arm was a tattoo of a skull with a snake looping out of its mouth. She'd heard of this…a dark mark. It was the mark of those Death Eaters. She'd heard of them receiving the mark when they had made their Dark Lord proud.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she stuck her fist in her mouth to stifle her sobs. No…it couldn't be. Severus was supposed to be her soulmate. By accepting this mark, there was no turning back. How could he do this to her? Forever mark her with a symbol that announced that her kind should be eradicated and her parents and sister should be killed or enslaved. How could he do this to her? Why would he do this to her?

She stared at the mark for a long while, then rubbed at it hoping the ink would smear. Still it remained, stark against her pale skin.

"I hate you," she whispered and pulled at it. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you."

An intrusive thought invaded her mind and she acted upon it. Lily picked up her wand and, using the slicing charm, cut neat lines surrounding her skin. She bit down on her blanket to keep from screaming as her skin peeled away. There beneath, embedded in her flesh, the tattoo remained. Hopelessness dulled her emotions towards pain.

She glared at it, her nostrils flared, and she braced herself before sticking her arm into the fireplace. If she couldn't cut it away, she would burn it so it couldn't be seen.

"What are you doing?!"

Two people dragged her away from the fireplace and she struggled against them.

"Let me go!" she sobbed. "Let me do this!"

"Let's take her to the lab."

As Lily was dragged out of the Gryffindor Common Room, she saw James on one side and Remus on the other. They held onto her arms tightly so she couldn't run away. Peter was trailing behind, her wand gripped in his hands and Sirius no doubt took the lead.

She said nothing as they passed by a tapestry depicting dancing trolls and didn't speak until they entered a room and closed the door. They finally let her go and she whirled around.

"Why did you stop me?!" she shrieked at them.

"You were hurting yourself!" James shouted. "I—We couldn't let you keep it up!"

"I had to…" she broke down. "I had to…"

The four boys exchanged looks and led her to a chair next to a work table littered with books, parchment, and sweet wrappers. James swiped it away for a clear space and held out his hand.

"Show me your arm," he said sounding more gentle than she had ever heard him speak.

Lily sniffled and rested her arm on the table. They saw the mark, still clear as day amongst the burned flesh. Peter threw up at the sight, Sirius turned away with a moan, Remus went pale, and James just stared, wide-eyed.

"Go on," said Lily. "Say something. Gloat. My soulmate hates me because I'm a Muggle-born and he is now in league with people who think I'd be better off dead. Or worse."

"Why would we gloat about that?" James asked. "Evans, this is horrible. Somebody oughta teach that prick a lesson."

"Have you considered perhaps he took this path because insufferable toerags like you drove him to it?" Lily snapped.

"Oh, that's rich!" James scoffed. "Evans, people don't become Death Eaters because their feelings were hurt. They get that way out of a sense of superiority and dehumanization. I understand what it's like to have people hate you for circumstances you can't control."

"You do?"

"Lily…look at me. My father is Indian and my mother is Roma. We deal with imperialism and racism from Muggles _and_ wizards. Hell, they gave me a British name in hopes that I would get treated better. My last name isn't even Potter, it's Podhar. Guess it worked... But when I was a kid I couldn't mingle with those other pureblood brats because they'd make fun of my mum's bindi or make snide comments… Wizards aren't always above such things, you know." He sighed and pushed his glasses up his nose. "Will you let us help you?"

Lily's adrenaline had dissipated and all she could feel was the pain in her arm. She wanted it to end, so she nodded.

"Alright," he said. "Peter, scrounge up whatever sweets you can find. Sirius, hold Lily down, this isn't going to be pleasant. Remus, you apply the spells, you're the best at them. I'll provide the distraction."

"What are you going to do?" Lily asked.

James crossed his arms.

"You're right," he said. "I have been a jerk. Maybe it was cockiness, maybe it was overcompensation, maybe it was to hurt others before they could hurt me. I admit it. I was a toerag, a stink brain, and a prat, but I've been trying to change all that. I don't plan to give up pranking, but we've been using our pranking powers for the joy of laughter from others rather than our own enjoyment."

"Though there is plenty of that," said Sirius with a grin. "Remus, give her the numbing stuff."

"I am giving her the numbing stuff. Do you want to do it?"

"I don't want to be the bully anymore," James continued. "I want to stop the bullies and that includes people like Snivellus who think torturing a girl to the point of moving away is the same as putting a dungbomb in a Common Room. I'd like to make it up to you in particular. Now, in my family we have a tradition. And this is just the Podhars. Whenever we admit to doing something awful, we perform the jerkface dance to ask for forgiveness."

"Okay," said Lily, wincing as Remus applied a poultice to her arm. "Show me."

James began flapping his arms like chicken wings and jumped around. He made funny faces and kicked his legs higher than Dick van Dyke as he danced around. Lily couldn't help but laugh.

"Alright," said Remus. "All patched up."

James stopped dancing and looked at his friends.

"Can you guys give us a mo'? I want to talk to Evans."

"Potter…"

"How about this, if you don't like what I have to say you can announce to the Great Hall tomorrow that I'm the king of all jerks and a major stink brain," said James. "I'll announce it myself if that will make you happy."

Lily sighed. "Fine."

When Remus, Sirius, and Peter left, James sat down next to Lily and rested his arms on the table.

"Sherbat?" he asked, offering the wrapped package.

Lily fished out a bat-shaped sweet and popped it in her mouth.

"It's true that I don't have a soulmate," said James. "Honestly? I'm glad I don't. I've seen too many people bonded together who weren't happy and I honestly think they'd be better off apart."

"Sirius and Remus?" she tentatively asked.

"What? No! They're my favorite couple. Like sugar and flour. I like eating both separately, but I also love cake."

"You eat what?"

"The point is," he continued, steering them back on track, "if Snape doesn't respect you and care about you, you shouldn't have to stick with him. Soulmate or no."

"What are you saying I should just…dump him?"

"Sure. I've seen you give him dozens of chances, Evans. Maybe it's time to move on."

"I don't think he'll let me." Lily felt sick at the thought and began to cry again. Her parents told her that soulmates were the simplest fact of life but it turned out to all be a lie. It wasn't simple at all.

"Hey…it's okay," said James patting her shoulder lightly. "It's okay. If you want, the Marauders and I will back you up. I bet Marlene, Frank, and Alice would, too."

Lily stared at him wide-eyed and threw her arms around his neck. She didn't care about the sting in her arm. James stiffened briefly, before relaxing and returning the hug. He held her tight without an ounce of selfishness and she was more comforted than she had been for a long time.

"Being without a soulmate isn't so bad you know," he said. "I just think of it that I'm free to build connections and relationships with whoever I want."

"It sounds wonderful," Lily murmured and buried her face in James' shoulder. "What brought on this change in you?"

"Coincidentally, you did. You're always so kind and compassionate, even to those who don't deserve it. I admire you actually. You're also smart. Not just book smart, but life smart. I think you're an amazing person and I looked at myself and wished I was half the person you were. So I started making changes."

Lily pulled away and stared at him with wonder. Why couldn't he have been her soulmate? Him as he was now?

The pain had returned to her arm and she groaned and clutched it to her chest. She looked into James' hazel eyes which were warm and earnest.

"Promise you will be there for me?" she asked.

"I promise," he said and pushed his glasses up his sloped nose.

"Okay. We'll gather everyone in the morning and I'll tell Severus at breakfast."

"Good." He nodded. "Now, let's get you to Madam Pomfrey so she can heal your skin back. She won't care how late it is, and we can't let that wound get infected."

He was right. Lily knew he was right.

"Look at you being responsible," she teased. "Keep it up and Dumbledore will make you Head Boy."

He placed a hand on his chest and gasped mockingly. "How dare you! I have a reputation to uphold as a troublemaker. If I become Head Boy, I'll have to put up my jester hat."

Lily laughed and accepted his help in standing up.

"Nice jammies by the way," he said. "Do you count yourself to sleep?"

Lily looked down at her sheep pajamas and snorted.

"There's the James I know."

He grinned and walked with her down to the hospital wing. He removed a piece of paper from his pocket every so often and guided her a different way to avoid patrols.

Madam Pomfrey, who had started just that year and taken over for Master Jules, was shocked at the damage done to Lily's arm, but when she saw the Dark Mark she asked no questions and just tended to the girl.

"You might want to hold someone's hand for this," the mediwitch said apologetically.

James offered his own and Lily accepted it, gasping sharply as the skin renewal potion was poured over her arm. She felt sick when the mark was still there, clear as day.

Madam Pomfrey stared at it with pursed lips and wrapped Lily's forearm up with bandages to protect the new skin.

"There," she said. "Don't dilly dally returning to your Common Room and if I see you back again with similar injuries I will be forced to write your parents."

"I understand," said Lily. "It won't happen again."

On their way back to the Common Room, James started mussing up his hair as he usually did.

"You know, Sirius knows his way around a tattoo gun," he said. "I bet he can find a way to cover that up."

"I just might hold you to that," said Lily.

When they returned to the Gryffindor Common Room, James and Lily sat by the fire and talked until it became light outside. They went their separate ways and as Lily dressed, she told her roommates what had happened.

"No!" Marlene gasped. "How dare he!"

"I'm confronting him at breakfast and denouncing him as my soulmate," said Lily. "Will you back me up?"

Alice hugged her tightly and took her hands.

"Of course we will," she said. "Right girls?"

Marlene, Mary, and Jane nodded in agreement and put their wands where they could easily draw them. They went down to the Common Room where James was talking quietly with the Marauders.

"We're behind you, Lily," said Remus as she approached.

"Say the word and we'll raise some hell," Sirius chimed.

"Thank you," said Lily. "For now, I'd just take a hand to hold."

Remus and Alice offered their hands and Lily gripped them tightly as they paraded to breakfast. She ran her words over and over in her head.

As she entered the hall, all her words flew out the window and were replaced by solid fury. She let go of Remus and Alice and strode over to the Slytherin table.

"Severus, we need to talk," she said.

"Lily, sit down," he said in a droll tone that sounded more like an order than an invitation.

"No."

He stiffened and looked up at her. "Excuse me?"

Lily looked at her friends who nodded in encouragement. She steeled herself and fixed Severus with a hard stare.

"You don't treat me right," she said. "You're mean, jealous, and horrible to everyone you deem unworthy. So that's it. We're done."

"Are you going to let her talk to you like that?" a Slytherin boy asked watching this with amusement.

Severus stood up and towered over Lily. She wasn't going to let him scare her because underneath that threatening exterior was a scared little man.

"We're soulmates," he snarled. "You belong to me!"

Lily's nostrils flared.

"No, I don't you arrogant bastard!" She got onto the table so she could be taller than him. She didn't care that she had one foot in the scrambled eggs and the other on the sausage tray.

"Lily, get down you're making a scene!" Severus hissed.

"Everyone listen up!" said Lily, projecting her voice so it echoed around the hall. "I, Lily Joan Evans, hereby denounce Severus Maurice Snape as my soulmate! I'm making my own path and deciding for myself who I want to be with."

"Maurice?" Sirius snickered.

Severus went red with rage.

"You can't do that!"

"I can, because I just did."

Alice and Marlene whooped and led the cheers for her. Lily grinned and felt as if a weight had been lifted off her chest. Severus had the sense to look ashamed. After all, no one had denounced a soulmate before as far as she knew.

She adjusted her robes and James and Marlene stepped forward to help her down.

"You did good," said James.

"Potter…" Severus snarled. "So you're to blame!"

"No, he's not," said Lily. "It's you. You made your bed when you got that tattoo."

She pulled back the bandages so he could see the head of the snake.

"You'll never care about me more than you care what people think of you," she growled.

"Potter put this thought in your head, didn't he?"

"You're not listening to me!"

"It's okay, Lily," Severus continued. "Just take back what you said and I'll forgive you."

"_Forgive me?!"_

"Back off, Maurice!" said James. "Just leave her alone."

"You've meddled with my life for the last time, Potter!" Severus drew his wand. _"Sectumsempra!"_

"No!" Lily jumped between them, smacking Severus' wand out of the way.

"Ow!"

Lily turned to see James clutching his ear. He pulled his hand away and his hand was covered with blood.

"I'm fine," he assured her. "Just a nick."

She had created a cure for that dark spell when she learned of it and waved her wand by his ear.

"_Vulnera Sanentur."_

The blood returned to its proper place and the wound closed.

"Thanks," he said, looked down and gasped.

Lily looked down too and saw blood blossoming through her shirt.

"Oh…" she whispered and collapsed.

"Lily!" Marlene cried.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Alice shrieked.

Lily could hardly hear the fight as her vision blurred and she fainted.

~o0o~

When Lily opened her eyes, she was tucked into a hospital bed. Her chest hurt and she felt weak. James came into her vision. Suddenly he was everywhere. Not that she was complaining, it was nice to have someone there for her.

"Lily, you're awake," he said and sighed with relief. "Thank the gods."

"You said my name."

"Hm?"

"You always called me Evans…but just now you called me Lily."

"No, I didn't do that," he said. "You must be hearing things. Oh, I know! There's flowers in your ear."

Like a muggle magician, he pulled a daisy out of thin air and placed it under her hand.

"Daisies are my favorite," she said and he smiled.

"Lily."

Severus entered the hospital wing with a bouquet of lilies in his hand. James jumped to his feet and drew his wand.

"Weren't you expelled?" he snapped.

"Until the Ministry arrives to snap my wand, I can enjoy Hogwarts just a little while longer," Severus replied coolly.

As he approached the bed, Lily turned her head away.

"Did you know there's two things in this world I'm allergic to?" she asked. "Lilies…and shellfish."

"You're allergic to lilies?" Severus glared. "Since when?"

"Since always."

"Lily, I didn't mean to hit you with that spell," he said. "You got in the way."

"You shouldn't have cast it in the first place."

"Tell me what I can do to make it up to you."

Lily finally turned to face him.

"I want you to turn around," she said. "Open the door, walk through it, and never come near me or any of my friends again. If I find that you were so much as on the same street, I will end you."

To his credit, James said nothing and merely kept his wand level since Lily could not have held hers even if she knew where it was.

"Fine," said Severus. "But when you grow old and alone because nobody wants a used soulmate, I won't be there to comfort you."

"Good."

He turned on his heel and left.

James put his wand away and sat down.

"Marlene and Alice are getting some of your stuff from your dorm," he said. "Make sure you're comfortable. And…you know…if you ever want to talk, I'd be happy to listen. Anytime, day or night. Hell, you can kick open my dorm door and be all JAMES, HOLY FUCK and I'll sit up ready to hear what you have to say."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Lily smiled and looked up at the ceiling. Long before she met Severus she had always wished her soulmate would take her to do one thing.

"Do you like to dance, James?" she asked.

"Absolutely. Not only am I proficient in the jerkface dance, but I can also waltz, kathak, Bhangra, and disco. Why?"

"No particular reason," she murmured. "I just adore dancing."


End file.
